The Special Ops Paintball Game Locator
by Jason Orvis aka JOracle on Mar 01, 2005
Like Paintball on Red Bull
Saturday morning finds you stepping out of your car onto some lonely woodlot on the edge of town. Somewhere nearby, kids are just getting up to watch cartoons. It’s still a little chilly so you stuff one hand into your camo pants-pockets while the other hand hangs onto your warm coffee like it’s the ripcord of a parachute. With your shoulders hunched, you shuffle up to the couple of guys in camo that got there first. You mutter your hellos and all of you turn to face the road simultaneously like a choreographed dance move. You’re all wondering the same thing: how many players will show up this morning?
Paintball is one of the FEW public events that are actually better when there’s a big crowd. But, paintball is a sport plagued by tiny crowds and lousy excuses: “Oh, dude, I was, like, up so late last night. I didn’t even remember to set my alarm. Sorry, dude.”
It doesn’t surprise anyone when paintball games where thirty guys promised they’d show up end up being three-on-three. It’s probably the biggest drag about the world’s coolest sport.
So, what’s the Woodsball™ Revolution going to do about flaky friends and smallish games? We present the superhero of Saturday morning, the savior of Sunday afternoon, the guru of the game… the long awaited Special Ops Paintball Game Locator (for Brigade Members only).
No longer will you be forced to count on your flaky, alcoholic friends to show up for a game. No longer will you be at the mercy of their hangovers and car problems. Now, you can make newer, cooler friends (guys and girls who actually leap out of bed on a paintball Saturday morning! Okay, maybe they just roll out of bed, but that’s a lot better than your flaky buds.)
Game Locator is the ultimate paintball accessory – and it’s absolutely FREE!! It’s the killer app that will amp up the quality and quantity of your circle of paintball buddies. Gone are the days of three-on-three. Say hello to twenty-on-twenty.
Let’s say that you know about this decent field just outside of town. It’s got a great bunch of woods and the owner doesn’t mind if you play a little ‘ball down there. You know a few guys who you can count on to show up, and they know a couple more. What you really need is to get the word out to every die-hard paintballer in the county. Then, you’d have a decent game.
You rush to your Special Ops Paintball Brigade Page for help. You click on "Game Locator." You type up a few details of your game – like the terrain type, special rules, availability of paint and air and (of course) good driving directions. Then you press the "Submit" button and the magic begins.
In a couple of hours emails shoot out to every Special Ops Brigade member within 100 miles of your game. With over 40,000 brigade members and climbing, there’s bound to be a stack of foaming-at-the-mouth paintballers ready to grab their gun and rock and roll. Over the course of the week, replies trickle in from the other groups of ‘ballers in and around your town. Little-by-little your three-on-three becomes ten-on-ten and it keeps growing. Every week, you list your backwoods game on Game Locator and every week, word spreads further. By mid-summer, you’re selling several cases of paint to the guys each week. A paintball legacy has begun…
Or, let’s say that you’ve got this cranking commercial field 10 or 20 minutes away – you want to put together a team of like-minded woodsballers to go up against the hordes of walk-on players and speedballers that wander onto the field each week. You pounce on the Game Locator, word hits the streets that Brigade members are getting together at your local “War Zone,” and before you can say “Bob’s your uncle” you’ve got a team shaping up.
Or, what if you’re not the organizing type. What if you just want to ride the coattails of other, more enterprising woodsballers? Well, you lazy bugger, Game Locator is the perfect source of paintball game welfare for your gold-bricking butt. Just become a Brigade member (yes, it’s free – as in "free-loader,"
and choose to have a "public" profile. You’ll start receiving invitations to games that are one hundred miles or less away from your comfy couch.
In the war against lame excuses in paintball, the Game Locator is a major offensive operation. That’s right – we just A-bombed the biggest excuse in the book: "There’s nowhere to play and nobody to play with."
Now, if you could only find your olive drab socks…
More Information:
GameLocator ad coming in the Jun. 2005 issue of APG Magazine
Sign up for the Brigade and start using the GameLocator